Reading Instructions… Not This girl.

My life has been pretty tame lately, aside from being slammed into a wall while walking on the treadmill -  that however;  is a story for my weight loss blog.  Or catching my arm on a  door that we keep tools in at work – I ended up with a little angry face bruise, seriously it looked just like a little angry face, unfortunately it was on the back of my arm and I couldn’t get pics, by the time I was near someone to take a picture it was already to faded and almost healed up and any picture would have looked like it was just my arm with no particular reason at all for taking the picture.   Of course there have been the obligatory slips caused by the ridiculous amount of ice around due to the current thaw, freeze, thaw, freeze repeats.   None of these have been blog worthy, well none until tonight.

If you asked anyone who really and truly knew me  they would all pretty much tell you that I would never make a good housewife.  Some of them may even laugh at you if you asked.  I am also pretty sure they could give you a list of reasons as to why.  A lot of them are related to my total disdain for cleaning, or the fact that I get bored easily, or possibly my culinary skills – they are getting better  but they have a long way to go.  Oh and laundry is laughable, I do it, I fold it but I am pretty sure that putting it away is optional, it stays in my laundry basket until I go to wear it. I do the dishes, well actually if I told the truth I load the dishwasher really well!  Andthat is where my whole story starts.

I am somehow really behind on doing dishes, its ridiculous how many I really have.  I am pretty sure they are mating, just to drive me insane.  So before dinner I loaded the dishwasher full of my plastic glad wear and shit, being as I have nothing to pack my lunch in for tomorrow.  I also decide to put one of my water bottles in the dishwasher (the bottle to the left is kind of what my what my bottle looked like except it was blue, not pink.)  I am pretty positive that when I purchased it I made sure it was dishwasher safe, but after going to the website I find that it wasn’t dishwasher safe. My whole plan was to use it for my protein shakes and that shit is like fucking glue and never comes out of the bottle properly and then I end up with a bottle that smells a whole lot like fucking ass, or sour milk or some shit, either way its gross.  So I put it in the dishwasher, don’t think about it, get my dinner and go watch TV, finish dinner and leave the house to go swimming for a while.  I came home and the cycle was over so I open the dishwasher to unload it and you know what I found?  I found a fucking miniature bottle that sort of kind of sorta maybe resembles its former self.

Of course I started laughing  and send a text message to my brother who is at work, that text message read “I shrunk one of my water bottles, like literally shrinky dinked* that shit right up.”  His response was “now the bottle fits your size.”  Which is totally right BUT the lid doesn’t fit the bottom is no longer attached.  It is comical, in a kind of sad sort of way.

What my bottle looks like now

*is Shrinky dinked even a word?  I don’t think it is but I know shrinky dinks are real, I had them when I was a kid…  but what do you call it when you shrink the shrinky dink, shrinky dunking?   Whatever you get my point.

I in noway blame the manufacturer, I should have read the cleaning instructions before putting it in the dish washer, however; I will replace it but with one that is dish washer safe because I would much rather have one that doesn’t decide to go all shrinky dink on me in the future.

Today I took stupid to a whole new level….

First please allow me to apologize for any shitty or completely random yet hilarious spelling errors and lack of grammar, I am doing this from my cell phone and it has a tendency to do the whole predictive text and auto-correct randomly. Also the letter n may appear randomly, that is because I have terribly fat fingers and the “n” key is too close to the space bar.

I know I haven’t been posting to much, as of late or ever really but I do intend to change that. Life is just kind of boring, I don’t have the internet at the moment and well I suck. I have been writing just not here or on the internet anywhere, I went old school with pen and paper due to the lack of internet in my house.

Today however; something stupid has happened. By stupid I mean ridiculous. For the last 3 days I have walked away with a sore foot. I figured it had something to do with a sock or amped up cardio and it would go away, eventually. I was wrong. So very wrong.

Today at work I walked across the floor, I got an intense pain in my foot so I go back to my desk, remove my boot adjust my sock put my boot back on and feel something funny. Take my boot off again stick my hand in my boot, feel something like a wire. Try to figure out who the hell puts wires in the insole of a work boot only to come to the conclusion that the answer is nobody.

I start pulling at the wire – because what else would you do? After about 5 mins the wire comes out of my boot and falls into my hand, I pull my hand out of my boot only to find its not really a wire at all but a nail. A tiny finishing nail decided to make my boots insole its home and for the past three days has been joyously humping the ball of my foot, slowly rubbing the absolute shit out of my foot. Why I didn’t check my boot sooner I will never know.

Just a simple update

It’s been a rather busy time in my neck of the woods, since my last post (which was a month ago) things have taken a drastic change.  I have kept this quiet up until now. I bought a house, Truth be told I purchased the house at the beginning of December.

This is my first really major purchase, ever.  To me the purchase of a house signifies growing up, something that I am quite honestly terrified of doing.  Don’t get me wrong, I have purchased large things in the past, when I was 18 I bought a brand new car.  It was a 2002 Hyundai Accent GSI hatch back, it had a total of 47 km on it when I bought it and I loved it.  I drove that until 2005 when it was written off, it had about 80,000 km on it – it was still under warranty.  The accident was not my fault, the guy that rear ended me was texting and driving (just one reason I had a small celebration when the texting law went into place.)  I then purchased a Jeep, it was older – 1992, I was able to pay for that out right with my payment from the money I got from my accident.  Just this past year I purchased a 2008 Dodge Dakota, so you see I have purchased large things, but nothing quite as big as a house.

The responsibility of purchasing a car vs. a house are drastically different.  I did not purchase this house alone, my younger brother Cordee purchased it with me so I am not in this alone, I do not think is as apprehensive as I am about this whole thing, then again I do not think he has a particular aversion to growing up.

The month of December was filled with packing and organizing and packing some more, we moved into our new place on the 1st of January.  No I did not make a mistake, you read that correctly, January 1st at 6am I was getting ready to move a house.  For most people January 1st is the day they are nursing a hang over, I didn’t party on the 31st because I knew I had to be up and moving on the 1st.

It is a nice house, unpacking is taking a whole lot less time than it took to pack, I did however make a mistake.  A rather big mistake in my world, I forgot to set up the Telephone, cable and internet – I remembered the important stuff like heat, power and water.  So for now I have no internet access, and will not have internet access until the 23rd of this month.  How than am I writing this?  Simple, I am at my moms house using her internet connection because after a week without internet I was feeling a little detached from the world, I hate admitting that.

I have been on my own since I was about 18ish, I have lived in various places and never realized exactly how much furniture I do not have.  Seriously, I lack pretty much every piece of furniture that you need in a house.  I do not have a couch, or a bed, or a kitchen table,or a dresser or a TV.  OK so I do have a couch, kind of.  Its a futon, but I am sleeping on the mattress right now on my floor.  Needless to say my house looks kind of ridiculous, its OK though, next weekend my bed will be in my house, my living room will have a couch – no TV, but that’s optional.  I will use one of my laptops as TV, I may not have actual TV but I have so many DVDs that are still unopened that I will be kept entertained for a few days anyways.

 

And then everything went black…

If you took the time to ready my about me page than you will already know this, but if not go take a look, I will wait… No seriously, I will. 

Ok welcome back, so as I was saying, if you took the time to read that page, at the bottom there was a part that said I had a friend that described me as ““You are slightly crazy, mostly fun, a little random and I think you are trying to  slowly take over the world with out anyone noticing.””   A description which is mostly true, I am slightly crazy (not joking about that), a little random – well a lot random,  and I think I am mostly fun; sometimes the fuck-its happen and then I am less fun.  I am also trying to take over the world without anyone noticing.  Its not something I talk about a lot – I often imagine that Pinky and the Brain were modeled after me, except I don’t have an awesome sidekick like Pinky.   I digress, there is a point to this.

On Sunday night I was on my way to drop my niece off at her place and while sitting at a light all the lights went out, no big deal, except it was because her dad just moved and I had no clue where the hell I was going – well  I did but I had to read house numbers, in the dark.  I can see squat in the dark – seriously, might as well put a mask on me and point me in the direction I need to go, it will be that productive.  So while we are driving my niece (she is 6) is looking for their house number,  as I drive by she yells “THERE IT IS!!!!”  Que skidding stop and I slide down the block because its like a fucking skating rink everywhere.  We get home and are greeted by a flashlight so we can see where the hell we are walking, their sidewalk – much like the street leaves little to be desired and I am a clutz so walking was incredibly interesting.  The power was only off for maybe 20 minutes so it wasn’t a big deal. 

This was me last night

Last night however; the power went out at 5:30pm, where I live that means its DARK.  I stumbled through my house looking for a mitten, trying to download a flashlight onto my phone – now most people have candles, I usually do but I am in the middle of packing an entire house and my candles got packed because I did NOT expect the power to go off.  Also,  I only have one candle left and its a tea light, not like I can walk around holding it  (all my candle holders are home-made and are not meant to be carried.)  We finally got everything straightened out and went over to her place, well their power was on, as was half of the cres that I live on.  The gym however; had NO  power, so I couldn’t even go work out.  The power was off until 7 I think, I don’t really know because after I dropped my niece off I went shopping, and when I got home the power was back on.

Fast-forward to today, I am sitting at work, just finished my lunch, started working on some paper work and BAM power goes off.  I work in a shop, that has crap lighting to start with, my office has windows – both face into the shop – yeah doesn’t make sense to me either.   Well I turn on my flashlight and sit in the dark, manager man comes in and makes me go to the coverall (a tent like building) and stand there its cold out – so I was not happy about it, until I discovered people hiding in the shipping office, I joined them. The power was only out for 45 minutes, I text a friend of mine to see if they had power and he goes “you know, I think people may start noticing you plan to take over the world if you keep making the power go out everywhere you are.”  I kind of laughed to myself because while I may be trying to take over the world, I would not start by making the power go off, that would be useless, especially since its always my power that is going off.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Last night was an unfortunate night in my house all around.

First I will tell you the rousing story of me losing to a vacuum cleaner.  I was cleaning my room up and was vacuuming around the edges of the room with just the hose so I could get my dogs little bits of kibble.  I dropped the vacuum  on the floor so I could pick up some clothes and I heard this sound like something was stuck in the end, I turn around thinking perhaps my dog was getting sucked into the vacuum (it could happen, she is tiny).  It wasn’t my dog, it was a sock.  No big deal right?  Yeah that is what I thought too, until I picked up the hose to remove the sock from the end and the sock went up the hose. 

This would not be a huge deal if I had a standard run of the mill vacuum cleaner that you would buy from places like Wal-Mart, but it’s not.  It is a central vac, you know the kind that has a big canister in one part of the house and has the pipes running through the walls?   I THINK the sock just went all the way through, at least I hope it did because I rent this house, I do not want to have to call the landlord and be like “um you know your vacuum cleaner? Yeah I broke it.  Well I didn’t really break it buuuuuuuuuuut there is a sock stuck in the wall somewhere.”  That would just be embarrassing.  I also just want my sock back – it was one I use to work out in.. its important to me.

I am in no way a crafter, I love crafts, I love doing them but every time I finish something it looks more and more like a 5-year-old did the work and not an almost 30-year-old.  However; I am currently in the process of making Christmas Presents for my mom and my gramma.  My niece and I started this project in mid October  so that we could have them done by Christmas, everything is right on schedule.  I do not have pictures of the things because we do not want anyone seeing them and spilling the beans before Christmas, once they are with their new owners I will take pictures. 

In the midst of my crafting I decided a great idea would be to get my glue gun out and glue things on to these decorations so that it wasn’t just paint, paint and more paint.  This is a good idea if you are not clumsy, ridiculously accident prone, or just an unfortunate mess.  I am all of these things and more.  So you can imagine what may have happened.  Last night while putting the final touches on one of the crafts I dropped a little fuzzy pom-pom that had HOT glue on it, not thinking I scooped it up off the kitchen table (that looks more like a kindergarten class had its way with it at the moment) with my index finger and thumb, that’s when it hit me, the hot searing pain of a fuzzy pom-pom adhering itself to my finger. 

Yes you read that right I hot glued a piece of my craft to my index finger.   I didn’t swear or yell though, I sat looking at it in disbelief all the while not computing that the hot glue was really burning my finger.  I did finally realize what I was doing, and unstuck the item from my finger – today though I have a blister, which serves as a constant reminder that I should never be allowed to use anything that could cause bodily harm.

Writers block…

I apologize for not writing sooner, I have come into a major writers block, and by major I mean every time I sit down to write something I sit staring at the computer staring a blinking cursor for hours and then closing the window because there is nothing there.  Nothing, as in a deep dark cavern where all my creative thoughts have disappeared into. Even my NaNoWriMo has come to a screeching halt, it went better than last year – this year I got 5000 words, rather tn zero but still it is an incomplete.

I am still suffering writers block but so I am going to share the end result of my newest tattoo.

Here she is…  She is complete, and has been since November 1, I could have shared her earlier but it kind of slipped my mind.

This picture was taken about 5 minutes after it was complete so its half healed (the half I shared earlier, was pretty much healed).  To date she is my favorite tattoo, I mean I love all my tattoos, obviously or they wouldn’t be there but this one combines so many of my loves, books, pin-up and zombies.  The words at the bottom come from one of my favorite songs , it is old, it showed up on the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack but to date it is the one song that I always sing out loud do – no matter where I am, or who is with me.  Not only is is my favorite song but it also serves as a reminder and as vain as this is, it reminds me when I am at my lowest point or having a bad day that I am a pretty piece of flesh.  Everyone is in their own way and sometimes a visual reminder helps.   It is also just fits the tattoo, you know, zombies love flesh and all.

The artist took my idea and made it 100 times better than I had ever imagined.  I fully trusted she would but the tattoo has exceeded all of my expectations and then some.

I would apologize, but I have an excuse.

I have been a terrible blogger this last little while. I have reasons for this but none of which really are THAT good. I guess life has taken over again – this is why I suck at blogging.

I am going to get better though, I have to. Today is the kick off for NaNoWriMo, and I plan on kicking the hell out of it. So while I may be not posting here (I really hope I can), I will still be writing here.

Now on to other news. As of Dec 1 I am pretty much fucked. My brother has decided he wants to move out – which is fine, really it is… If he would tell me he was freaking moving. See the thing is I know he is moving, but not because he told me, no he told my mother who told me. As of now I am supposed to be blissfully unaware that this is happening.

In the scheme of things this is a typical douche move. I have lived with this guy several times and he actually waited until 3 days before we had to be out one time to tell me that him and his ex had given notice at the beginning of the month. Yes 3 days people. I was homeless for almost a month because of this kind of move. I am not worried at this moment as my other brother (the good bother – well one of them) and I are already looking for something more permanent but still, the rude factor has me so angry that I would like to claw his eyes out and then feed them to him. An act that would be extremely painful as I have no fingernails, due to the habit of biting and picking at them.

I should probably get my butt back to work, and possibly start working on my writing for NaNoWriMo.

And then I Rage Quit… On A Kitchen Table.

If  you have ever been a gamer, know a gamer, or are thinking about becoming a gamer you know what rage quitting is, or you have at least heard if what it is right?? No?  Well according to urban dictionary Rage Quit is defined as “When overwhelming rage caused by the online gaming world drives you into such madness, you quit from doing whatever the hell it is you’re doing.”

Cordee on a good day

I do not game – unless you consider playing Wii bowling, zumba, fit or the Sims gaming, than I guess I do.    But that is not the point of this post.  I have a brother, we shall call him Cordee ( I am so brilliant, this is actually his nickname that I use frequently).  Cordee games, he is a rage quitter.  His rage quits are often loud and sometimes he seems pretty violent (remotes have flown across the room, chairs have been broken) , and he will punch me if he ever reads this.    Again I digress this is not the portion of the post that has me rage quitting.

I normally don’t rage quit, I rage… but never rage quit.  That is until the other day when Cordee called me and asked me where he could put some crafts I had sitting on the kitchen table.  This is the conversation that happened after:

Me:  Uh… I don’t know.  Somewhere that they won’t get broken please, they are leaving this afternoon.

Cordee:  so… throw them against the wall gotcha.

Me:  No put them on the treadmill, they will be fine until I get home.  Why are you cleaning the kitchen table?

Cordee:  Poker night.  This table is disgusting when did it get used last?

Me:  I don’t know I fucking hate it so I never use it, unless I am crafting and then I use it.

Cordee: oh… I… See…

Me: Yeah its your other brothers table, I fucking can’t stand it.  When I get a place of my own there will not be a kitchen table, all the damn thing does is collect mass  amounts of other people’s shit, and get in the god damn way.

Cordee: whoa, calm down.  It is OK, no need to get angry.  And if there is no kitchen table where will people eat?

Me:  I am not angry, I am stating a fact, while using a lot of profanity.  It’s totally different.  T.V. Trays.

Cordee:  What?????????!

Me: T.V. Trays.  I will have tons of TV Trays and when people eat over they can eat off a fucking TV tray, and they can clean them off themselves.  I seriously hate kitchen tables.

Cordee: yeah well.. um.. I think every place should have a table.

Me: Yours can.  I refuse to have a kitchen table that will collect crap.  I must have counters, but I do not have to have a fucking table.

Cordee: so you will just be like “eat off a fucking TV Tray”?

Me: Damn right I will, and if people don’t like it well too bad for them they don’t have to eat at my damn house!

Cordee: You realize you are rage quitting on an inanimate object right?

Me: yeah so?  Shit.. my office phone is ringing, we will continue this conversation later.

Cordee: laughing – ok, talk to you later.

 

And there you have it people, I rage quit on an innocent kitchen table.  In my defense, the kitchen table in my house is a glass top table (worst fucking thing ever), and it shows every single finger print that is on it, had I been home I may have smashed the damn thing, and then made up a story as to why it was broken.  It also is home to everyone elses shit – none of it is mine.  Mine is all in my room, and that is a totally different discussion.

Shits changing.. again

And that is why I am lacking in the blogging department.  That’s my story and I am sticking to it anyways.

Nothing too serious but I am going to look at changing the layout of my blog and shit.  Make if more fanciful, and organized because at this moment in time if I can make one thing organized it would be a fricken miracle.  I am serious, you want to see the most unorganized person in the world, you should see if you can find me because I am so unorganized that organized chaos no longer applies.

While these changes are happening (my creative filter is slightly broken at the moment) , I figured I would entertain you with a little bit of crap that has happened to me.

Friday

Cartoon version of me - except I do not wear dresses high heels or bracelets.

I did manage to get up, gather all my lunch and everything and hobbled to my truck.  My damn knee is still sore from the fall.  It was unpleasant.

The weekend – was incredibly uneventful (thank god!)

Today

I was woke up at 5:30, and not by my dog, or my niece.  No instead it was this weird sharp pain (kind of like a Charlie horse) in my shoulder/upper back/neck region.  I somehow managed to pull/kink a muscle or muscles in my sleep.  Now I am not a crazy roll around the bed and tie myself in knots kind of sleeper, once I am asleep I stay pretty much in the same spot the entire night, so I am completely at a loss for how this happened, but I am hoping it was something cool, like an alien tried to abduct me and I fought back and won or something like that.

The aftermath of said injury is way less cool than my imaginary fight with goblins, or aliens or anything though.  I am unable  lift my arm high enough to scratch my head.  It really sucks.

 

 

 

 

Confession time!

Written about me perhaps?

If you were to talk to anyone I know (friends especially) they would all tell you that I am outgoing, very loud, opinionated and VERY outspoken.  Which is true, to a point.  I am all of those things and probably a whole lot more, unless you are a stranger and then… I come across as a stuck up bitch, or extremely socially awkward.  The truth is I am not a bitch, I am pretty friendly if you can crack me open.   When I meet new people my lips refuse to open, my tongue gets tied, my mouth gets dry and my body get tense.  I get sick to my stomach.  I am incredibly shy, I am pretty sure when they wrote the book “Little Miss Shy” they wrote it about me.

For the most part the shyness is overcomeable and it does not always affect my day-to-day life, unless of course I am starting a new job, or going somewhere that requires me to interact with normal humans on a regular basis, or puts me completely out of my comfort zone i.e. Asking for directions makes me almost crap my pants.  I have found ways to over come some of the shyness for the most part BUT – and there really  is a big but (and no I am not talking about my behind),  it always sneaks in and ruins things, and forget meeting new people (which I love doing BTW).

I have contemplated carrying a sign around that says this:

This could be my sign, or maybe a T-Shirt.

I guess part of the reason I am writing this is because,I have been single for 4 years, and I THINK I am ready to stick my toe in the water.  I have always said being single was my choice, for the most part it has been – I was helping raise my niece, I was busy with school, I have mass commitment issues due to some pretty fucked up past relationships,  BUT then on the other hand there is the fear of rejection (who doesn’t have that right?), and well face is who wants to date a girl that doesn’t talk?  I also have had some pretty nasty body image issues (they have been taken care of now though) - as in who wants to date the short fat chick?  Yeah the answer to that is NO ONE.  I digress, I am an awesome person, I have a wicked sense of humor, I am caring, honest (to a fault) and super kind, I have mastered sarcasm and possibly taken to the next level,  and any guy would be lucky to have me. 

 I have done internet dating, I have been set up through friends and nothing ever comes of it because I am socially awkward – so terribly socially awkward due to my shyness that 2nd dates never happen. 

 I have looked at ways to over come the shyness, and nothing helps.  NOTHING.  I don’t know if there is a class, or a support group or what but I at this point I really would like to attend something that may beat this awful thing in to submission so I can resume living my life-like a semi-normal human being.

Do you know of someone who is able to over come extreme shyness? Have you  yourself over come it?  How did they/you do it?  Please someone help, I would like to meet a really nice guy one day, but being this shy has kind of put a kink in the plan, and do not recommend that I just do it, that would be cause for a panic attack and I am WAY past panic attacks at this point, they hurt and are no fun at all.

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