Reading Instructions… Not This girl.
My life has been pretty tame lately, aside from being slammed into a wall while walking on the treadmill – that however; is a story for my weight loss blog. Or catching my arm on a door that we keep tools in at work – I ended up with a little angry face bruise, seriously it looked just like a little angry face, unfortunately it was on the back of my arm and I couldn’t get pics, by the time I was near someone to take a picture it was already to faded and almost healed up and any picture would have looked like it was just my arm with no particular reason at all for taking the picture. Of course there have been the obligatory slips caused by the ridiculous amount of ice around due to the current thaw, freeze, thaw, freeze repeats. None of these have been blog worthy, well none until tonight.
If you asked anyone who really and truly knew me they would all pretty much tell you that I would never make a good housewife. Some of them may even laugh at you if you asked. I am also pretty sure they could give you a list of reasons as to why. A lot of them are related to my total disdain for cleaning, or the fact that I get bored easily, or possibly my culinary skills – they are getting better but they have a long way to go. Oh and laundry is laughable, I do it, I fold it but I am pretty sure that putting it away is optional, it stays in my laundry basket until I go to wear it. I do the dishes, well actually if I told the truth I load the dishwasher really well! Andthat is where my whole story starts.
I am somehow really behind on doing dishes, its ridiculous how many I really have. I am pretty sure they are mating, just to drive me insane. So before dinner I loaded the dishwasher full of my plastic glad wear and shit, being as I have nothing to pack my lunch in for tomorrow. I also decide to put one of my water bottles in the dishwasher (the bottle to the left is kind of what my what my bottle looked like except it was blue, not pink.) I am pretty positive that when I purchased it I made sure it was dishwasher safe, but after going to the website I find that it wasn’t dishwasher safe. My whole plan was to use it for my protein shakes and that shit is like fucking glue and never comes out of the bottle properly and then I end up with a bottle that smells a whole lot like fucking ass, or sour milk or some shit, either way its gross. So I put it in the dishwasher, don’t think about it, get my dinner and go watch TV, finish dinner and leave the house to go swimming for a while. I came home and the cycle was over so I open the dishwasher to unload it and you know what I found? I found a fucking miniature bottle that sort of kind of sorta maybe resembles its former self.
Of course I started laughing and send a text message to my brother who is at work, that text message read “I shrunk one of my water bottles, like literally shrinky dinked* that shit right up.” His response was “now the bottle fits your size.” Which is totally right BUT the lid doesn’t fit the bottom is no longer attached. It is comical, in a kind of sad sort of way.
*is Shrinky dinked even a word? I don’t think it is but I know shrinky dinks are real, I had them when I was a kid… but what do you call it when you shrink the shrinky dink, shrinky dunking? Whatever you get my point.
I in noway blame the manufacturer, I should have read the cleaning instructions before putting it in the dish washer, however; I will replace it but with one that is dish washer safe because I would much rather have one that doesn’t decide to go all shrinky dink on me in the future.