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Today I took stupid to a whole new level….

First please allow me to apologize for any shitty or completely random yet hilarious spelling errors and lack of grammar, I am doing this from my cell phone and it has a tendency to do the whole predictive text and auto-correct randomly. Also the letter n may appear randomly, that is because I have terribly fat fingers and the “n” key is too close to the space bar.

I know I haven’t been posting to much, as of late or ever really but I do intend to change that. Life is just kind of boring, I don’t have the internet at the moment and well I suck. I have been writing just not here or on the internet anywhere, I went old school with pen and paper due to the lack of internet in my house.

Today however; something stupid has happened. By stupid I mean ridiculous. For the last 3 days I have walked away with a sore foot. I figured it had something to do with a sock or amped up cardio and it would go away, eventually. I was wrong. So very wrong.

Today at work I walked across the floor, I got an intense pain in my foot so I go back to my desk, remove my boot adjust my sock put my boot back on and feel something funny. Take my boot off again stick my hand in my boot, feel something like a wire. Try to figure out who the hell puts wires in the insole of a work boot only to come to the conclusion that the answer is nobody.

I start pulling at the wire – because what else would you do? After about 5 mins the wire comes out of my boot and falls into my hand, I pull my hand out of my boot only to find its not really a wire at all but a nail. A tiny finishing nail decided to make my boots insole its home and for the past three days has been joyously humping the ball of my foot, slowly rubbing the absolute shit out of my foot. Why I didn’t check my boot sooner I will never know.

Zombie Apocalypse, I do believe….

I was asked the other day if I  believe in the Zombie Apocalypse.  The answer to this is Yes.  Yes I do believe in the Zombie Apocalypse, and before you go “pfft this chick has lost her friggen mind!”  Hear me out.   

I believe that one day we may be faced with the fact that the dead are re-animating and that they are living on basic animalistic instincts – which means they will be rabid, and they will be doing their thing to survive.  If it is eating brains than that means Hollywood got something right.    I am not sure how it will spread but really does it matter?  There are a million ways it could happen, drug trial gone wrong, mutated virus etc.  The possibilities are pretty much endless at this point  in time.

This is a serious conversation I had with someone, and these are their questions (in bold) and my answers (not in bold)

Do I think that we are going to have people popping out of the grave yard all decomposed and gross?  No,  not at all but I do believe that if a person is freshly dead, in a morgue or in their house they may be able to be reanimated – provided they have not had an autopsy and are not full of the crap they use to preserve bodies these days. I really do think that through time they will decompose, but after they are freshly re-animated they will look just like a normal human being. 

Will you be able to kill your loved ones if they become a zombie? Yes, without a doubt if it comes down to me surviving or me killing my already dead family member/friend, no questions asked the mother fucker is going down.

Where will you go in the event that there is an outbreak?   I am not sure where I will go, but I can tell you that I will not be going anywhere near an overpopulated urban center, that is where everyone is going to go.  I am going to get the hell out of dodge, until I find a place that I can make into a fortress.

Will you travel alone or  in a group? I would prefer to be alone, really they say strength in numbers but in this case you are only as strong as your weakest link, and if your weakest link cannot handle a weapon or contribute to a group in some way  than you will fail.  So  if anyone is going to be traveling with me they better be prepared to kill some shit, or they can gtfo.

 Now, I am not a crazy person who has my own bunker or a million years worth of supplies or anything like that but I do have a plan, and I do know how I will survive.  Just remember, when shit hits the fan, if you are a non-believer you will be wishing you had someone like me around.

Things you should know…

I am not kid tested, or mother approved.

I am fluent in sarcasm, can be witty, and am a genuine person.

I am incredibly introverted and ridiculously shy. It can take me a long time to warm up to someone, and by the time I do they tend to move on.

I have very few close friends, and the ones I do have are pretty much older than me… which also means I don’t get out much.

I like reading usually paranormal, horror, true crime etc. I am crazy about ridiculous horror movies, and Indie Rom-com.

I have a dog, her name is Princess – she named herself as she is a ridiculous diva. No I do not dress her – Ok so she does have a winter coat and booties and a Halloween costume – the winter coat is because I live in the fucking Antarctica – well not really but I am sure the penguins move in during the winter, and she is a chihuahua with teeny tiny paws – yes she is a ridiculous dog that does fit in my purse, and no I do not put her there.

I also have 2 ferrets Akida and Rue, They haven’t lived with me in over a year.

I collect Pez Dispensers – I have some vintage ones that have never been opened.

The Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite shows.

I use curse words… A LOT, seriously I am pretty sure I could make a trucker blush some days. My niece counted the amount of times I swore in the car one day, she got to 25 before she looked at me and said “I give up, this is too hard, you swear to much.” We had only been in the car maybe 15 minutes. Surprisingly she has only used the word shit once, and she used it in the correct context so I could not even get mad at her.

I would like to write a book one day, however; I have no idea about what and I am a professional procrastinator.

I have had 4 jobs in my entire life, I was a life-guard, a computer sales person, an electronics assembler (I have a journey ticket in electronics assembly), and I now work in a metal fabrication shop.

I do believe the Zombie Apocalypse will happen, and when it does I will be completely ready for it. Laugh all you want, but don’t come looking for me because I will trip you to save myself.