Zombie Apocalypse, I do believe….

I was asked the other day if I  believe in the Zombie Apocalypse.  The answer to this is Yes.  Yes I do believe in the Zombie Apocalypse, and before you go “pfft this chick has lost her friggen mind!”  Hear me out.   

I believe that one day we may be faced with the fact that the dead are re-animating and that they are living on basic animalistic instincts – which means they will be rabid, and they will be doing their thing to survive.  If it is eating brains than that means Hollywood got something right.    I am not sure how it will spread but really does it matter?  There are a million ways it could happen, drug trial gone wrong, mutated virus etc.  The possibilities are pretty much endless at this point  in time.

This is a serious conversation I had with someone, and these are their questions (in bold) and my answers (not in bold)

Do I think that we are going to have people popping out of the grave yard all decomposed and gross?  No,  not at all but I do believe that if a person is freshly dead, in a morgue or in their house they may be able to be reanimated – provided they have not had an autopsy and are not full of the crap they use to preserve bodies these days. I really do think that through time they will decompose, but after they are freshly re-animated they will look just like a normal human being. 

Will you be able to kill your loved ones if they become a zombie? Yes, without a doubt if it comes down to me surviving or me killing my already dead family member/friend, no questions asked the mother fucker is going down.

Where will you go in the event that there is an outbreak?   I am not sure where I will go, but I can tell you that I will not be going anywhere near an overpopulated urban center, that is where everyone is going to go.  I am going to get the hell out of dodge, until I find a place that I can make into a fortress.

Will you travel alone or  in a group? I would prefer to be alone, really they say strength in numbers but in this case you are only as strong as your weakest link, and if your weakest link cannot handle a weapon or contribute to a group in some way  than you will fail.  So  if anyone is going to be traveling with me they better be prepared to kill some shit, or they can gtfo.

 Now, I am not a crazy person who has my own bunker or a million years worth of supplies or anything like that but I do have a plan, and I do know how I will survive.  Just remember, when shit hits the fan, if you are a non-believer you will be wishing you had someone like me around.

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Newest Tattoo

Yesterday I got a tattoo. It was my 8th tattoo, and I believe it is the biggest out of all my tattoo (although my fairy may be the same size – it’s on my back I don’t see it).

This tattoo incorporated pretty much everything I love, pin-up girls, zombies and books. These are 3 things I am passionate about, a good book can be read in less than a day if I actually sit and read and don’t get all ADHD with shit, pin-up girls are class yet very sexy and zombies – well lets just say if there is ever a zombie apocalypse I will be one of few survivors.

So as I sit to get the tattoo, the artist is like “fuck this is the coolest shit ever!” she places the stencil on my arm, I check it out and BAM instant love – seriously. I just want to sit and stare at it all day that is how awesome it is. We got to talking as I find out that not only is she incredibly cool (Something I already knew) but she too loves zombies and pin-up girls and books as well – total win!

The session was 5 hours and we got almost all of the thing done, except her skin, some minor details and a bit of a background. So without further delay, here is my most recent tattoo ( the pics are blurry, and really do no justice to the thing. I will get better ones soon):
first view
2nd view

I love my mom

I love my mom. This is a statement that most people say everyday, and with out a doubt they mean it. But I love my mom for so many reasons.
1. She is the strongest person I know – she restarted her life at 45 by going back to school and getting 2 different degrees so she could support my two younger brothers when her and my dad split up.
2. She has a pretty good sense of humor; although she does have many of the same personality traits that Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory has (she has a spot on the couch and if you sit on it she will just stand and make noises, no I am not joking.)
3. She raised 4 of us on a pretty tight budget and we NEVER did with out anything.
4. She is always in my corner. If I ever killed a man and said I was not guilty she would back me 100% – even if she knew I did it. (ok so that is probably EVERY mother out there) But she does always have my back.
5. The list

But I think the reason I love my mother is because she will let me ramble for hours and hours through text messages and she ALWAYS responds. Case in point, yesterday this is the conversation we had, word for word.

Me: I had a dream last night. I removed my ear drum… It like just fell out,
Mom: LOL and you think I am off.
Me: It was so real I had to wake up and check my pillow. How retarded is that?
Mom: To many drugs lol.
Me: Lol I didn’t take anything.
Mom: Lol it happened to your brother.
Me: I know.. But I didn’t take anything. I think I’m mentally unstable lol
Mom: Lol That could be too.
Me: LOL it was the oddest dream I have had in a long time. Seriously it’s not even possible for your ear drum to fall out is it?
Mom: No I don’t thinks so lol
Me: lol
Mom: Thats’ silly lol
Me: Ridiculous
Mom: but a little funny.
Me: Lol so dumb tho my ear drum, of all body parts.
Mom: Could have been your nose
Me: Or my ear.
Mom: or that too lol
ME LOL it was so dumb.

I hate to say this but these conversations happen almost every day. She has yet to commit me into an institution, even though I am pretty sure she worries about my sanity often. Add to that the fact that she continues to have the conversation with me makes her possibly the coolest mom ever.

Music Meme

Not feeling to much like being overly creative so I have decided to do a lame Meme today.

Put your music player on shuffle and for each question hit next song and put in the song title as the answer.

Will I get far in life?
People Hate Me (Murder Dolls)

How do my friends see me?
I’m only happy when it rains (Garbage)

Where will I get married?
What do you want from me (Rehab)

What is my best friend’s theme song?
Skrying (Mudvayne)

What is the story of my life?
All is Fair (Poverty)

What was high school like?
Tired (Everlast)

How can I get ahead in life?
Go Away (Jakalope)

What is the best thing about me?
Are you Sad (Our Lady Peace)

How is today going to be?
The Enemy (Godsmack)

What is in store for this weekend?
Stupid Girls (Pink)

What song describes my parents?
White America (Eminem) – Not even close lol

My grandparents?
Paper Scratcher ( Blind Melon)

How is my life going?
Running Up That Hill (Placebo)

What song will they play at my funeral?
Bottles & Cans (Rehab)

How does the world see me?
Rhinestone Eyes (Gorillaz)

Will I have a happy life?
Die Sci-Fi (Wednesday 13)

What do my friends really think of me?
Hip Albatross (Gorrillaz)

Do people secretly lust after me?
I’m Shady (Eminem)

How can I make myself happy?
Tell on You (Bif Naked)

What should I do with my life?
Hate (Zug Island)

Will I ever have children?
Just don’t give a fuck (Eminem)

What is some good advice?
Turn the Heat Up (Bobaflex)

What is my signature dancing song?
Thief (Our Lady Peace)

What do I think my current theme song is?
My Name Is (Eminem)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Whatever (Butthole Surfers)

What type of men/women do you like?
Motodick (Taintstick)

So apparently my iPod decided that my life would be described by primarily by Eminem, which is funny because I hardly have any Eminem or Our Lady Peace on my it.

Bad Shit Happens… Mostly to me so don’t worry.

  I woke up this morning to a very wet and gross day.  I decided that I wouldn’t let it get me down in anyway,  things in my world have been pretty awesome lately.  I dressed for the weather, I work inside, so it wont be that horrible.  Boy was I wrong.  I forgot I go outside about 5 times a day to go to the bathroom.  I should explain that a bit, I work in a metal shop.  There is a bathroom not even 20 feet from my office but I refuse to use it – Have you EVER been in a shop bathroom?  The shop is fairly male dominant, and face it guys are gross.   So rather than use said bathroom I go to the “clean room.”  Sounds fancy right? Not so much, it is a place that is fairly dust free due to the processes that are being done on the metal.  This is also where  there are 2 bathrooms for women – bathrooms which are not gross, and do not have drawing of naked women on the toilet paper dispenser.   BUT to get there I either have to walk through the shop (more time on my bathroom travel), or go outside and walk to the other building.  No big deal, and it gets me out of my office for a couple minutes. 

This is the face I made

This walk is normally welcome and NOT a huge deal but today, it is a huge deal why?  Because it is raining, and I have to go through 3 different doors to get there, neither of which are sealed properly so water runs into them and sits there waiting for an unsuspecting person to open it and then… BAM. In. Your. Face.    You get hit in the face with the coldest water ever.  I am usually the first person who gets the face full of water so today – being the smart cookie I am, I put my bunny hug hoodie on, pull the hood up and make my way to the door.  First door, I use my toe push the door open and stand aside while the wall of water comes crashing down.  Second door, same thing and I figure I am victorious, I start doing my victory dance and open the third door, being less careful and guess what?  Yeah I got a shower, a nice cold fresh rain shower – well my arm did.    My victory dance ends abruptly, and I walk to the bathroom cursing myself silently, do my business and then begin the trek back to my office.  I let my guard down, completely.   I open the door and start walking out and I got a full on shower.  I am soaked, I feel like a cat that has just been left out in the rain.  I let loose with words I am sure made the trucker who was loading his truck across the street blush. 

I am sure the hole event was kind of funny if you were watching it, the look on my face was much like that of the cat above.  My clothes are still soaked and I am still trying to work up enough courage to go face the door again so I can get more water to drink.  I think for now I will just go thirsty.

The Lion King, and I….

Last night I took my 6 year old niece to see Disney’s The Lion King 3D. Now its a little known fact that I am a Disney freak, I love the movies. I own all of the old ones on VHS, my niece owns them on DVD, but she apperantly has never seen the Lion King, turns out she only has The Lion King 1 and a half or w/e it is.

So we went. I go to a movie theater about once a year – the reason? The price for one (It cost us 27 dollars for 1 child and 1 adult), and crowds, I hate crowds, but I figured we would go during the middle of the week and hopefully the crowds would be minimal (I was right the theater was dotted with people), sounds nice right? WRONG!!! It was nice for the first 15 minutes of the movie.

When I go to movies that are directed at children, I expect chatter – little kids can’t really help it most of the time so I give them a break. BUT 15 minutes into last nights movie, some woman drank her kids soda and the kid started screaming, and not a little bit but at the top of its fucking lungs. I sighed and tried to ignore the screaming monster, but was not happy as she did nothing but hiss and grab at the kids arm. I get that she paid to see this movie, and that she had every right to stay in the theater but COME ON. When my 6 year old niece sighs and goes “some people are so rude.” don’t you think there is a problem? The lady in front of me went out and got an usher, so I didn’t say anything.

Fastforward, about 20 more minutes and this same little kid goes “bye mom!” really loud and runs away, rather than getting up off her chair to catch the little monster she stays in her chair and litereally yelled at the kid “YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!!” and then “DO NOT MAKE ME GET OUT OF THIS CHAIR!!” Really lady??? Really??? Shortly after that statement little monster ran through the isle I was sitting in and stepped on my toe, hit my nieces popcorn out of her hands and then did it again on its way back out. This little monster did it 2 more times in 2 different rows. Again a person went and got the usher, and the woman was given a second warning. By this time I would have walked out of the theater embarassed that my child did this – scratch that, I would have never taken this child to the theater, chances are they don’t sit through an entire movie at home, why would they in public?

After this last little debacle everything seemed to be going very quiet, the kid finally shut up and sat down and didn’t move again (I think maybe the mother tied it in its chair). I went back to enjoying the show, and then…FLASH… no it didn’t just happen, I must be imagining things. No, it did happen, that was a camera flash in the middle of the dark theater!! Some ridiculous woman was taking pictures of 2 little girls who were standing in the isle leaning over chairs watching the movie. This happend 15 times consecutivly before an usher walked in and caught her recording the movie – seriously people still do this? And to be so blatent? Plus the movie is in 3D, it wont translate well through a basic digital camera will it? I digress, she was escorted out of the theater leaving her children with someone else they came with. Whatever happened/happens to her I really do not care – she interuppted my viewing with her compulsive flashing.

TextThe movie was almost over (it was at the point where Timon and Pumba are doing their luau thing.) And a woman from the same party as camera lady starts texting. Now I am a texting wizard, I wore a phone out from texting, but in a theater that I paid 27 dollars to get into my phone stays in my pocket/purse, because I do not need the distraction. Plus it cannot be that important if they are texting me, even if you call me I will not answer it will sit in silence, or on vibrate until after the movie.

There should be some rule that if you talk/text/interrupt others you get banned from the theater or something because honestly when little kids think you are rude, there is a serious problem.  Had it been little kid chatter it would not have even bothered me but it was adults that were annoying the hell out of me, these are people who are supposed to set an example for the tiny humans they brought, all they are teaching them to do is be rude and annoying.

All issues with the patrons in the theater aside.  I did enjoy the show, as much as I did when I was 12 and it came out for the first time.  My niece enjoyed the show, told me I was the coolest aunty EVER,  and kept trying to pick the flowers and other random items that appeared to be popping out of the screen at us.  If you have the chance to see it in 3D I would suggest to see it, and take you children/nieces/nephews/cousins/neighbors whatever too, but please leave your damn cameras and phones at home, in your vehicle, or in your purses/pockets.

Tattoos, I have them.

I remember being a kid/teenager and writing all over myself – random words, drawings you name it I would put it on my body. I would also get the disapproving sigh from my mother when she would see my latest works of art and she would inevitably say “what on earth were you thinking?” Truth is 95% of the time I wasn’t thinking, I was a kid, and it sounded like it was a good idea at the time.

I am now 28, I have a good job – one in which I do deal with the public sometimes, and I have tattoos, 7 of them to be exact. All of which have a meaning, I also have piercings, 6 of them, my ears are stretched and I tend to not leave my hair one color for very long. None of these things has ever held me back in life. I am a respectable, responsible (most of the time) adult, who is hopelessly addicted to the words douche, fuck, and twat, and I have made the conscious decision that rather than pay thousands of dollars for art that can be stolen I will put it on my body, that way the person who steals it has to take me with them, and I guarantee you that they would return me in less than an hour.

At 20 I had decided I wanted a lotus on my lower back, I had an appointment made and the money saved and everything and 2 days before the appointment the artist called and cancelled because her husband had a heart attack and she would not be able to do the tattoo, but I could reschedule at a later date. I never did reschedule as I took it as a sign from above that it wasn’t meant to be and thank god I didn’t because I would now be the owner of a tacky tramp stamp, and not only that but it would have been done on a whim and without much investigation, or learning on my part. See I believe there is a power out there that stopped me. Read the rest of this entry

So, its October…

Which got me to thinking about Halloween.

Have you ever trick-or-treated in the snow? I have. It fucking sucks, and by sucks I mean I would rather cut my arm off and beat myself to death than walk through snow to get candy from strangers. Did I do it growing up? Oh yes I did, who wouldn’t now I think about it, I was stupid.

I remember being a kid, and seeing all the amazing costumes for girls – princess’, fairies, witches etc. All of which were cute, and dressy, and would not fit over a damn snow suit – unless you bought one that was 500 sizes to big, and then you couldn’t wear it to school because you will trip and injure yourself because of the size. I was a pretty lucky kid, my mom made majority of my costumes – something that I have continued to do into my adult life. The reason my mom made my costume every year was pretty different from why I do it now. I do it now because I am cheap and recycling costumes is easier than paying almost 100 bucks a pop every year, when I was a kid it was because finding a costume that was cute, and fit over top of a snow suit was nearly impossible. We always did have cute costumes – in fact one of the costumes she made is still being used by younger family members (it is almost 28 years old).

I had a friend that always went trick-or-treating with us, she usually went as a cat, and she almost always tripped over her tail at least once a year. It is one of my fondest memories, I am kind of a sadistic person, but seriously – would you continually go as a cat, even if you knew the outcome was going to be that you tripped, fell, cried and then got up after being left behind? I know I probably wouldn’t, the costume was bad ass but it was a danger (If you are said friend reading this, please do not hate me for putting this in here)

This year I am going as pregnant zombie, with a zombie baby – yeah it’s going to be sick as shit… that is, if I can find a place to wear it – I won’t wear it to hand out candy, I would totally scare little kids and that wouldn’t be awesome.

My 6-year-old niece is going trick-or-treating as a witch, her costume is adorable, it has lights (my costumes never had lights – I think my mom was holding out on me). It is store-bought, because she wanted it and there is no way in hell I could ever make anything this cool, and her father cannot sew worth a damn. It will more than likely NOT fit over a snow suit – I have told her this and she told me “well I guess I will just have to suck it up then huh?” The whole time she is telling me this I am thinking “this kid has no idea what she is talking about.” Granted she is 6, and this is only her 6th Halloween, if it snows and she goes out with out a jacket under that costume she will totally be my hero, and will remain my hero until the day she dies because growing up here I know Halloween can be a bitch, especially if there is snow on the ground.

Things you should know…

I am not kid tested, or mother approved.

I am fluent in sarcasm, can be witty, and am a genuine person.

I am incredibly introverted and ridiculously shy. It can take me a long time to warm up to someone, and by the time I do they tend to move on.

I have very few close friends, and the ones I do have are pretty much older than me… which also means I don’t get out much.

I like reading usually paranormal, horror, true crime etc. I am crazy about ridiculous horror movies, and Indie Rom-com.

I have a dog, her name is Princess – she named herself as she is a ridiculous diva. No I do not dress her – Ok so she does have a winter coat and booties and a Halloween costume – the winter coat is because I live in the fucking Antarctica – well not really but I am sure the penguins move in during the winter, and she is a chihuahua with teeny tiny paws – yes she is a ridiculous dog that does fit in my purse, and no I do not put her there.

I also have 2 ferrets Akida and Rue, They haven’t lived with me in over a year.

I collect Pez Dispensers – I have some vintage ones that have never been opened.

The Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite shows.

I use curse words… A LOT, seriously I am pretty sure I could make a trucker blush some days. My niece counted the amount of times I swore in the car one day, she got to 25 before she looked at me and said “I give up, this is too hard, you swear to much.” We had only been in the car maybe 15 minutes. Surprisingly she has only used the word shit once, and she used it in the correct context so I could not even get mad at her.

I would like to write a book one day, however; I have no idea about what and I am a professional procrastinator.

I have had 4 jobs in my entire life, I was a life-guard, a computer sales person, an electronics assembler (I have a journey ticket in electronics assembly), and I now work in a metal fabrication shop.

I do believe the Zombie Apocalypse will happen, and when it does I will be completely ready for it. Laugh all you want, but don’t come looking for me because I will trip you to save myself.

Sickness and Massages oh My…

I am sick, and by sick I mean half dead. OK so maybe not BUT I sure feel like I could just fall over and die. Last week my supervisor type person was walking around the shop kind of sick, he assured me that it was just allergies but I was skeptical. He was stuffed up and coughing – OK so I could have almost believed it was allergies until he came forward and told me that he was cold, and achy and then I looked at him and said “you, stay out of this office until you are better, I do not want to get sick.” Of course he laughed at me, through the week I just kind of stayed away and hoped I did not get sick. Well Friday night roles around and I am out before 9:30pm, which is unheard of for me. Saturday I woke up, felt a little gross but nothing to major – a bit of a head ache and stuffy nose but that’s not abnormal for this time of year. And then Sunday, I woke up and I had a wicked cold, and by wicked I mean this thing could be the cousin to the plague, I am sure death is sitting outside my window waiting for me to just roll over and stop kicking.

My lungs are all congested, my sinus’ are so backed up that nothing is moving – seriously how much snot can one person make? I have spent almost 40 dollars on cough medicine, pills that help me breath but don`t make me drowsy, syrups that warms and makes me sleepy for night, camphor oil for my chest so I can breath, all of it mucous relief. So now I not only smell like a rank old lady but I also sound like a little old lady that has smoked for about half her life and could quite possibly have slept out in a soggy went box over night.

Put this nasty cold on top of incredibly sore shoulders, and migraine after migraine which I think is because of my sinus’ being backed up, and because mother nature is a menopausal bitch that cannot make up her mind if the weather should be cold or hot. I have not been in to the gym in over a week. So today, I decided I was going to make an appointment to get a massage. I have had several massages in the past – all of which have been quite enjoyable, so I make an appointment at a place that has come with high recommendations from a few people.

I get to my appointment, fill out the necessary paperwork and meet with Mark – my massage therapist. I am a little nervous as I have never had a male massage therapist but soon am comfortable and things get going. Let me tell you, this massage is NOTHING like I have ever had before. This guy is pushing, and pulling and moving limbs and it hurts. Not a lot but on a pain scale of 1 – 10, 1 being no pain, 10 being OMG STOP TOUCHING ME!!! I am sitting between a 5 and 7 and then… he has me lay on my back, raise my arm over my head and he proceeds to work my pectoral something or other muscle… and holy shit, I almost went through the damn roof, apparently this muscle was really really angry and really really tight. This continued for a full hour people – 60 friggen minutes of pure torture, by the end I was glad that it was over. Mark left the room and I got dressed, and while I was getting dressed I noticed something, my arms moved, freely no pain when I went to do my bra up, no pain when I put my shirt on, no pain when I rotated my shoulder, NO PAIN.

It has been 2.5 hours since my massage ended and by this time I am usually going, for fuck sake, I need to go back already because I am in pain!!! I am still pain free, my arms are still moving, are the places that were worked a little sore? Yes they are. Will I go back? Yes, yes I will, I am a bit of a masochist, but this was quite possibly the BEST massage I have had in my entire life.