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Confession time!

Written about me perhaps?

If you were to talk to anyone I know (friends especially) they would all tell you that I am outgoing, very loud, opinionated and VERY outspoken.  Which is true, to a point.  I am all of those things and probably a whole lot more, unless you are a stranger and then… I come across as a stuck up bitch, or extremely socially awkward.  The truth is I am not a bitch, I am pretty friendly if you can crack me open.   When I meet new people my lips refuse to open, my tongue gets tied, my mouth gets dry and my body get tense.  I get sick to my stomach.  I am incredibly shy, I am pretty sure when they wrote the book “Little Miss Shy” they wrote it about me.

For the most part the shyness is overcomeable and it does not always affect my day-to-day life, unless of course I am starting a new job, or going somewhere that requires me to interact with normal humans on a regular basis, or puts me completely out of my comfort zone i.e. Asking for directions makes me almost crap my pants.  I have found ways to over come some of the shyness for the most part BUT – and there really  is a big but (and no I am not talking about my behind),  it always sneaks in and ruins things, and forget meeting new people (which I love doing BTW).

I have contemplated carrying a sign around that says this:

This could be my sign, or maybe a T-Shirt.

I guess part of the reason I am writing this is because,I have been single for 4 years, and I THINK I am ready to stick my toe in the water.  I have always said being single was my choice, for the most part it has been – I was helping raise my niece, I was busy with school, I have mass commitment issues due to some pretty fucked up past relationships,  BUT then on the other hand there is the fear of rejection (who doesn’t have that right?), and well face is who wants to date a girl that doesn’t talk?  I also have had some pretty nasty body image issues (they have been taken care of now though) – as in who wants to date the short fat chick?  Yeah the answer to that is NO ONE.  I digress, I am an awesome person, I have a wicked sense of humor, I am caring, honest (to a fault) and super kind, I have mastered sarcasm and possibly taken to the next level,  and any guy would be lucky to have me. 

 I have done internet dating, I have been set up through friends and nothing ever comes of it because I am socially awkward – so terribly socially awkward due to my shyness that 2nd dates never happen. 

 I have looked at ways to over come the shyness, and nothing helps.  NOTHING.  I don’t know if there is a class, or a support group or what but I at this point I really would like to attend something that may beat this awful thing in to submission so I can resume living my life-like a semi-normal human being.

Do you know of someone who is able to over come extreme shyness? Have you  yourself over come it?  How did they/you do it?  Please someone help, I would like to meet a really nice guy one day, but being this shy has kind of put a kink in the plan, and do not recommend that I just do it, that would be cause for a panic attack and I am WAY past panic attacks at this point, they hurt and are no fun at all.