Blog Archives

Today I took stupid to a whole new level….

First please allow me to apologize for any shitty or completely random yet hilarious spelling errors and lack of grammar, I am doing this from my cell phone and it has a tendency to do the whole predictive text and auto-correct randomly. Also the letter n may appear randomly, that is because I have terribly fat fingers and the “n” key is too close to the space bar.

I know I haven’t been posting to much, as of late or ever really but I do intend to change that. Life is just kind of boring, I don’t have the internet at the moment and well I suck. I have been writing just not here or on the internet anywhere, I went old school with pen and paper due to the lack of internet in my house.

Today however; something stupid has happened. By stupid I mean ridiculous. For the last 3 days I have walked away with a sore foot. I figured it had something to do with a sock or amped up cardio and it would go away, eventually. I was wrong. So very wrong.

Today at work I walked across the floor, I got an intense pain in my foot so I go back to my desk, remove my boot adjust my sock put my boot back on and feel something funny. Take my boot off again stick my hand in my boot, feel something like a wire. Try to figure out who the hell puts wires in the insole of a work boot only to come to the conclusion that the answer is nobody.

I start pulling at the wire – because what else would you do? After about 5 mins the wire comes out of my boot and falls into my hand, I pull my hand out of my boot only to find its not really a wire at all but a nail. A tiny finishing nail decided to make my boots insole its home and for the past three days has been joyously humping the ball of my foot, slowly rubbing the absolute shit out of my foot. Why I didn’t check my boot sooner I will never know.

Blueberries are out to get me…So are cucumbers.

Its true, this week has been a nightmare when it comes to blueberry anything. Don’t get me wrong I love blueberries – well fresh blueberries, I also love blueberry yogurt. Not just any blueberry yogurt but blueberry Greek yogurt (if you have never had it you should).

As a general rule blueberries are kind, innocent little round berries of goodness. This week however; they have hijacked me. By hijacked I mean gotten in my mouth and been horribly wrong. The first incident was while eating blueberry yogurt. Picture it, me sitting at my desk eating on my break reading a website slowly devouring my yogurt one spoonful at a time savoring every single bit and then BAM… there is a horrible horrible taste. So do I stop eating? Of course not – it must just be the one spoonful right? God no, 5 spoonfuls later and they still taste the same, I stop look at the yogurt (because obviously there is something that is going to look wrong with my yogurt.) Looking proves nothing so I eat more, and then it dawns on me. The horrible taste is dish soap. That is right my container had remnants of dish soap that I didn’t rinse off after washing the container in the morning. However; I continued to eat this horrible tasting food. Why did I keep eating it? Because I was hungry, and because I cannot waste good food. Now stop judging you know you have done something like this before. Moral of this story: green Apple Polmolive dish soap does not taste like green apples and certainly does not go with blueberry yogurt.

The second incident happened today, I was eating these perfectly ripe blueberries same desk only at lunch. I pop one in my mouth and blam the little buggar totally tried to ruin my day, as I chomp down on it I get this horrible moldy taste in my mouth – it looked fine I swear! The stupid blueberry was rotting on the inside on the outside it was a normal innocent blueberry. Of course I had to swallow because there was no where to spit the thing out and well face it once I had bit into it most of the nasty had been swallowed.

The cucumbers, I swear the cucumber was poisonous but to be honest I don’t really know what poison tastes like but I assume it would be like what that cucumber tasted like it was horrible…lol it was fresh out of my moms garden. and I did the thing where you cut the tip off and rub it around the end to make it foam and then you can eat it with out it being bitter… yeah that didn’t work lol and that totally sounded dirtier than it did in my head.

This was my week in food, it was not a good week and I swear the food was out to get me.